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Am I Strong Enough?

My GOGI Peeps, how are you today?

Streetwise GOGI Tamara here to drop a little reality on you.

This past Saturday, I attended a women’s empowerment event, as a GOGI/TG4L! Rep, and was asked to speak about GOGI. The subject matter at this event focused on abuse of all kinds within our prisons, communities and families.  I met some amazingly strong and resilient women. The subject matter hit very close to home for me, as it did for a lot of women. I had the opportunity to give my testimony about what brought me to GOGI and what the 12 Tools for Positive Decision-Making has done in my life. It was very liberating and I received a good response.

Afterwards, I went outside to get some air. There was a play area for the kids and I of course took the opportunity to speak to them and teach them the tool BOSS OF MY BRAIN. I told taught them that no one could tell them how to feel, think, act or react to any situation if they were BOSS OF THEIR BRAIN. They were the boss and they were in charge. Of course, that was a real hit with the kids, especially the boys. They walked around like ‘That’s right! I’M boss of MY brain!’ It was so cute. I then told them that if anyone every touched them in an inappropriate way or tried to hurt them, they needed to be BOSS OF THEIR BRAIN and tell an adult, even if the person threatened to hurt their parents. At this point, one of the little girls turned away. As she turned away, she grabbed my hand and held it. My heart sank. When the others went on to continue playing, she looked back at me and said ‘I’m going to be the BOSS OF MY BRAIN.’ The look on her face broke my heart. I knew that look because I had that look once.  I didn’t press the issue. We talked about other things and every once in awhile I would ask her ‘what are you going to do if anyone tries to hurt you?’ and each time, she became a little more passionate when she said ‘I’m going to be BOSS OF MY BRAIN!’

As she left the event, I made sure to give her and her auntie some pocket GOGI’s and card containing my contact info. I asked her again ‘Who’s boss of your brain?’ And she shouted ‘I AM BOSS OF MY BRAIN!’ We exchanged fist pumps and she left.

On my drive home from LA to San Diego, I broke down. It came out of nowhere. I was overcome with bad memories, emotions and an overwhelming need to be with my Mom and Dad who have both passed away. I wanted their protection as if I were a child again.  Right then I realized I have never dealt with my own abuse; at least not fully. I questioned by ability to continue doing all of this; to continue reaching out and helping people, through GOGI, expecially the children, who I cherish the most. I thought of those innocent little faces and the reality that someone may take that innocence away from them, by force, and there is nothing I can do about it. All I could do was scream and cry at the top of my lungs. In that moment, I was not BOSS OF MY BRAIN. In that moment, I was not using the SMART PART of my brain. It was all EMOTIONAL and OLD HABIT part. SMART PART, got kicked to the curb.  I accept that I am only human.

As always, darkness gives way to light. There is always hope. That which is POSITIVE, PRODUCTIVE and POWERFUL will ALWAYS win out.

I worked my tools Sunday and Monday and I attended the GOGI PowerUp! meeting on Monday night. My GOGI sisters encouraged me and gave me some much-needed advise. FOR me to GIVE, I must be safe from harm. And while I am safe from the abuse, I need to work through my feelings so I can LET GO of the pain, CLAIM RESPONSIBILITY for my actions today, give myself a REALITY CHECK to remind myself the Ten and Two Rule and continue my forward motion towards ULTIMATE FREEDOM.

This experience was a blessing in disguise. I learned a lot about the strength we all have within us. I am not only strong enough to carry on but it is my duty to carry on. My father raised me to protect those who cannot protect themselves, defend the defenseless, never quit and never be a victim. Without either of us knowing it he was teaching me to be BOSS OF MY BRAIN.

Although painful, I am in a position where I can empathize with those who have suffered sexual abuse and share the healing tools of GOGI with them.  How could I walk away from that?

With my GOGI toolbox, there isn’t anything I can’t overcome.

Group fist pump – GOGI 4 LIFE!!!